Surrender
by DarkenedStar
Summary: -Darling, there's no sense in running; you know I will find you. You can't abandon me. You belong to me. There's no escaping me, my love… Surrender.-
1. Haunted

**A/N- I got the idea and couldn't resist writing it. I don't think the idea hasn't been done before but let me know if I'm wrong. This is my first Rurouni Kenshin fic so I hope I'm able to capture the characters' personalities well enough. As always, let me know if there is anything I can improve on or if you have any form of feedback. I'm writing a novel on the side so I honestly really appreciate any advice. **

**Disclaimer- Obviously I only came up with the plot. But there's nearly nothing I wouldn't do to own Kenshin.... :D**

**I want the plot to remain a bit mysterious until about the 3rd or 4th chapter but Evanescence's 'Surrender' inspired me so you might get a good idea of what this is about if you listen to that. Otherwise I bid you h****appy reading! **

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**-January 16th, 2009-**

Thirty-seven degrees. Today's cheerful weatherwoman forecasted a _delightfully_ freezing day of thirty-seven degrees and yet I somehow still managed to find myself outside and standing in the foot of snow that still hadn't melted from the worst snowstorm in recorded Japanese history. I looked down, realizing that snow was melting on my jeans and I felt the cold water seep through onto my skin. I sighed and bit my lip. Despite being wrapped in two sweaters and a heavy winter coat, I still shivered violently. And to think I could be inside right now…

Suddenly, a peal of giggles erupted from inside the rather impressive igloo the local teenagers had built at the center of the small town's park. The sound was adorable and though I was frozen to the bone, I instantly broke out into a grin. The laughter continued and grew louder until it was interrupted by a strangled cries to stop.

"Help!" the victim cried, now desperate.

That would be my cue. I took a deep breath to bite back a string of curses at the attacker. She knew I hated anything cold- particularly snow- so she could have gone without trying to get me involved. I forced my legs to trudge through the snow in the direction of the igloo and wondered how on earth anyone could even traverse the stretch of snow and construct the structure in the first place.

"No! Mommy!" the victim shouted again just as I reached the formation.

"Misao, if you think this is funny-" my threat was cut off when a massive snowball was flung at my face with deadly accuracy. I shrieked in surprise and immediately swiped the snow off of me. Another fit of giggles exploded from the little boy still hiding inside the igloo, only this time it was accompanied by female laughter.

Furious that my painstaking avoidance of the white stuff had been a failure, I leaned down and scooped up a large ball and hurled it at the raven-haired girl. Had she not been preoccupied laughing, she would have easily dodged it but it hit her right in the face. My victorious smirk died almost instantaneously when my sister grinned deviously at me.

What followed was quite possibly the largest snowball war in the history of Japan. Snow flew in every direction, and what was previously a big expanse of unmarred snow now showed the signs of combat throughout. The only thing that stopped us was a three-year-old boy finally leaving the safety of the igloo and running into the line of fire. Concerned violet eyes met mine as the boy attempted to make his way over to me. "Mommy!" he shouted to catch my attention, though he already had it. Not only did he keep getting stuck in the deep snow, but he also had little control of his limbs, thanks to an ample amount of layered clothing.

My heart softened at the sight of the little marshmallow boy and I trudged through the snow to close the distance between us. I scooped the child in my arms and hugged him tightly.

"Don't be mad at Auntie! She just wouldn't stop tickling me," he pouted.

"Oh, baby," I cooed. "I'm not mad her. She just knows how much I hate being cold." I shot Misao a glare. "I think we've been outside long enough now. Are you ready to go home?"

Though Kenji's lips were blue he still shook his head vigorously. "I wanna play more!"

Misao moved closer, somehow managing to be graceful. "How about if we make some hot chocolate?" she coaxed with a smile.

"Yeah!" Kenji's voice echoed through the nearly lifeless streets. "Hot choc!" He squirmed out of my arms and tried to run- unsuccessfully- in the direction of our house. I scooped him up again and the three of us hiked back, my thoughts focused on the heating that was awaiting us.

We removed our sopping wet clothing once we got inside, grateful for the shelter from the cold. I hung our coats to dry by the heater and when I turned around Misao was removing Kenji's hat, which caused bright flames to spill around his head. The way my son's hair glinted in the light stopped my heart momentarily and I got lost in the memory of the first time I ever saw such a gorgeous color.

* * *

**_-March 24__th__, 2003-_**

_The loose strand of hair that kept falling back into my face had been irritating me for the past twenty minutes but I didn't have time to properly tuck it away; I would have had to stop my preparations, wash my hands, fix my low pony tail, and wash my hands again. I'd lose a whole two minutes and I was already too far behind. Megumi, my roommate, was due home in twenty minutes and I was nowhere near done cooking dinner. __Irritated, I blew at the strand several times until it fell to the side of my face and continued chopping carrots for the stew that I felt confident would be better than last week's disaster. _

_I finished chopping the carrots and dumped them into the pot and immediately grabbed the onion that was next. I was halfway through cutting when I felt it. There were eyes on my back and accompanying the ripple of fear that spread through me was the feeling of a tight pressure on my chest. Someone was behind me and judging by the intense pressure of his ki, he was dangerous. _

_There was a glass of water next to my free hand so I wrapped my fingers around it, spun around quickly, and threw it at the intruder. My aim was perfect but somehow the glass hit the wall two feet away from him. I was sure he dodged it somehow, though I hadn't even seen him move._

_Amused amber eyes met my glaring ones. The man appeared to be a few years older than me, but there was no denying the much older sense of maturity that hovered about him. His piercing gaze nearly stole my breath and I realized that he was the most gorgeous man I'd ever seen in my life. He was wearing a crisp, grey button down and black slacks. His face was flawless and his body slender, though I could see lean muscles through his shirt. His hair was such a deep shade of scarlet that for a moment I thought his head was actually aflame… and it swayed slightly behind him; he __**had**__ moved out of the line of fire. _

_My heart sped faster than it had in years and the invisible pressure on my chest tightened painfully. Then remembering I still had a knife in my hand, I raised it up and foolishly dared him to come closer. I wasn't going down without a fight._

_But instead of advancing, he chuckled deeply. "Is this how you always introduce yourself?" _

_I floundered for a moment, unable to comprehend why an intruder would ask such a ridiculous question. "Forgive my rudeness," I replied sarcastically. "I seem to be lacking proper manners. Next time I come across a burglar I will be sure to tell him my name and step aside to let him raid my apartment." _

_A smile spread on his lips but even though it made him look even more dangerous, he was all the more attractive. "Do you believe that if I were a burglar, I would have waited in the doorway until you noticed me?"_

_I opened my mouth to respond but another voice broke in first. "Was that the sound of shattering glass?" A much taller man with spiked, black hair popped into the kitchen, eyes surveying the situation. Sanosuke finally looked at me and laughed so hard he gripped his sides. "Oh man, Kaoru," he nearly cried. "I can't wait to hear you explain this to the fox," my other roommate said as he easily plucked the poised knife from my hand and placed it on the counter._

_It was only then I realized my mouth was agape. "You _know_ this creep?" _

_At that Sanosuke laughed again and his guest's smile grew. "This creep is my partner from work and I'm sure he would appreciate it if you didn't attack him again," Sanosuke said, humor leaking into his voice. _

_I couldn't believe someone who had such a dangerous air about him could actually be one of the 'good guys'. The golden-eyed man didn't look like a police officer at all. __"Maybe he shouldn't have been lurking around without you," I defended. _

_Sanosuke gave the shorter man a amused look. "Sorry; I suppose I'm going to have to babysit you from now on. No more slinking around for you," he said, waving a finger at him. They laughed and Sanosuke left the room muttering something about never hearing anything so funny in his life. _

_I glowered at his retreating back and was surprised when the red-head didn't move after him. "Can I help you?" I questioned, not bothering to hide the irritation in my tone. I was embarrassed because I had made a scene, frustrated because I was even further behind with my cooking, and vexed because they found the situation so entertaining. And the man's presence felt horribly wrong but at the same time I had the dumbfounding feeling that I would miss him if he left. This only made me angrier. _

"_If I'm not mistaken, your stew has been left unattended for a bit too long," he responded. _

_My head whipped around and my hand instantly flew to turn down the heat before the rising bubbles overflowed again. I stirred the soup and nearly screamed in surprise when I saw the man suddenly standing next to me. I had been focused on his ki the entire time and I was absolutely certain he hadn't moved. Had I believed in science fiction I would have concluded that he had just teleported from the opposite side of the room. "Perhaps you hadn't noticed, but Sano is in his office. The last time I checked, this was the kitchen."_

_The man ignored the statement. "You never introduced yourself." His eyes bore into mine but I refused to show him any sign of weakness. I was too agravated to care about playing nice with one of Sano's work buddies._

"_Neither did you, if I recall correctly." _

"_I apologize. I wasn't given much time before a glass was flung at my face." _

_I had to physically restrain my hand from slapping the cheeky smirk from his face. "I'm not sure where you're from, but in most cultures it would be expected for you to announce your presence when you enter a room."_

"_A mistake I will be sure to never repeat," he said thoughtfully before bowing his head slightly. "My name is Himura Kenshin."_

"_You're suddenly being courteous?" I bit, really not wanting him to know who I was. _

"_Was I rude to begin with?"_

_Bristling at the fact that he was correct, I ignored him and grabbed a broom and dustpan to sweep up the shattered glass. Sano may have found the situation hilarious but Megumi was sure to skin me. She had spent weeks searching for the perfect glass set. _

_When all the pieces were swept up, I turned to search for a mop but to my utter dismay, Kenshin was already standing next to me with the item in question in hand. "May I?" he asked politely. _

_I looked at him pointedly. "No." I grabbed the mop forcefully and sponged the water up, hoping that he would finally realize I wasn't in the mood to deal with him. When the floor was dry I replaced the three cleaning tools and ignored the infuriatingly annoying man as I washed my hands. _

_I turned back to the vegetables I still had to cut but Kenshin was already chopping away with such speed and precision that I actually froze. He had already sliced up the second half of the onion, two sticks of celery, and the few leeks that had been next to the cutting board. A ripple of fear spread through me as I realized again just how dangerous this man was. He had done all of this in the fifteen seconds it had taken me to dry my hands. _

_The only thing I could think to do was shout at him for touching the food with dirty hands but when I looked closer I saw that his hands were, in fact, still wet from being freshly washed. _

_He slid all of the vegetables into the large pot on the stove, adjusted the temperature, and turned back to me._

_Knowing that he was waiting for me to either tell him my name or thank him, I settled on the latter, hoping that it would satisfy him enough to leave the room. And for what seemed like the hundredth time that night, I was again disappointed. _

"_You're still not going to tell me your name?" _

"_Sano already said it before; you should have been paying attention."_

"_I heard him," he said as if it was obvious. "I want you to tell me."_

"_I think that now would be the perfect time to inform you that you're the most stubborn person I've ever met in my life. It's a trait I find rather annoying." _

_The infuriating grin returned. "Do you mean to tell me that you're not stubborn?"_

_I could have screamed. I had to actually bite my lip to keep the string of curses from erupting. He noticed and chuckled again. Finally realizing just how close I was to losing it, he closed his eyes for a moment, his thick bangs covering his face. When he opened the intense golden orbs again he gazed so deep into my eyes that my breath stopped. "I can be patient, my little Kaoru," he said and finally strolled out of the kitchen._

* * *

"Mommy!" The worried voice finally snapped me from my reverie and I realized Kenji had called for me more than once.

I smiled faintly, though I'm sure my son knew it was forced. "I'll meet you in the bathroom in a moment, alright? You need a hot bath so you don't get sick."

"Ok," he said and hurried off.

I still felt clammy and felt that my blood had drained from my face. As soon as he was out of sight my hand instantly flew to the door and locked the key, drew both deadbolts, and put the chain up. In reality it was a silly precaution but it offered the slightest bit of comfort to my ever-racing mind.

My sister was just as worried, though unlike my son, she actually knew what was wrong. "Are you alright? That's the second time in the past few days," she asked.

Our eyes met and I couldn't hide the truth that I desperately didn't want to vocalize. "It only happens when it's time."

My younger sister was quiet. "I'll let Aoshi know. We'll start looking in the morning."

The guilt that washed through me every time this happened swallowed me again. "Misao… you've already helped me so many times-"

She cut me off, this time slightly angry. "You say it every time and I'm sick of hearing it. You're the only family I have left; there's no way in hell I'm going to leave you. If this is what it takes then so be it. I won't let you and my nephew leave me alone."

A surge of love filled me, knowing the sacrifices she had made for us over the past few years. She could have- _should have_- been enjoying her new marriage with Aoshi but she had given it up just to help us. Knowing that I could never be able to repay them splintered my heart. "You're the best, sis," I whispered and gave her a hug before running after Kenji. Bathing him was the perfect task to distract myself and in a few minutes the memory had been pushed to the back of my mind.

When we were done Kenji's promised hot chocolate was waiting at the kitchen table, along with two others settled on the island counter, and a sheepish-looking Misao.

"Are you mad?" she questioned, referring to the war. "You seemed like you enjoyed pelting me in the face well enough."

"I won't be mad once I drink this," I reached for my favorite mug, "and immerse myself in a long, hot shower. And you only have yourself to thank for drowning in snow."

The twenty-five year old grinned. "Touché."

We sipped happily at our drinks and after a few moments Misao turned to my son, who was still sipping merrily at his favorite drink. "Hey, Kenji?"

They shared a look that he obviously deciphered because he squealed in excitement. "Lion King!" He shouted throwing his arms in the air, causing his scarlet hair to cascade over his shoulders. He leaped down from his seat at the table, paying no mind to his chocolate covered mouth, and performed a little dance before running to the couch.

I groaned. "How do you not get tired of it? He must have made us watch it at least thirty times already!"

"I think it's a cute movie!" She defended. "And you'll be in the shower for half of it anyway so you can't complain this time. I already showered while you were giving him a bath so go ahead; I'll watch him."

I drained the rest of the contents of my mug and hurried off to enjoy the promise of hot water.


	2. Twisting Discoveries

_**A/N- Sooo... apparently I haven't seen Samurai X: Reflection, and therefore had no idea that our favorite couple did, in fact, have a child. How I missed that little bit of information is beyond me, and I apologize. I didn't know that there was any continuation after the anime series, but I will make it my number one goal to catch up as soon as possible! I will change Haruki's name to Kenji, as it should be- though I'm sure his identity was apparent in the first place. Thank you for letting me know! This chappie is a bit short, but I will update quickly. **_

_**Thank you for the reviews! Please let me know if I can improve in any way. :)**_

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**-February 19_th__, 2006-_**

"_Yes, I'm sure that everything is fine," I replied into the phone. _

"_Then why must you spend the entire night there?" he asked, for some reason needing to know every little detail about me and my life._

"_Is it really so suspicious for me to want to sleep over at my sister's place? I don't get to see her half as much as I'd like so it would be nice to have a girls' night."_

"_I thought you were feeling ill this morning?" _

_I gritted my teeth at his persistence. "I am absolutely fine now. I have to go- she's already here."_

_Silence was my only response so figuring he hung up, I followed suit and took a deep breath. _

_Misao hopped off from her perch on the kitchen counter. "I'm telling you, Kao… there's something I don't trust in that man. He's obviously hiding something and the fact that he's so possessive of you is dangerous. Please let me do a background check on him… What if he's a serial killer?" _

"_Don't be ridiculous- he's the one that catches the criminals," I said, horrified that she could say something like that, though in the very back of my mind I remembered that I had entertained the idea more than once. His fluid movements were far too stealthy even for a police officer. "Let's go before he decides to come home early." _

_Misao laughed humorlessly. "I rest my case. You really do need this night, don't you?" _

_I hugged my purse tightly, guarding what was inside. I hadn't dared to even tell my sister yet, afraid of him somehow finding out. Misao looked at me curiously but with a pointed stare I silenced the question I knew she was about to ask._

_Hours later I found myself at Misao's apartment. My body had gone completely numb and I slid to the bathroom floor in a daze. It wasn't long before Misao came to check on me and when I didn't respond to her banging on the door, she picked the lock and let herself inside. _

_A gasp escaped her lips and her hand flew to her mouth, her wide eyes fixed on what was in my hand. When she overcame her shock, she rushed to my side and enveloped me in a hug. "Oh, sis…" she began, unsure of what to say. _

_The action unparalyzed me. Tears erupted from my eyes and I fumbled with my uncooperative arms to return the hug as I wept on her shoulder. "He doesn't want it! He told me he doesn't want children! Could you see him as a father? I'm only twenty-two and I'm still in college… how could I ever take care of it?"_

_Getting an abortion was against everything I believed in; I was in school to be a doctor, for Kami's sake. I wanted to save as many lives as I could. How could I willingly destroy a life before I even had a chance to save one? _

_I knew I would keep the child but the fear of how it would be raised gripped at me. Kenshin wasn't evil- I was certain of that fact- but Misao was right; there was something dark about him that wasn't right. He had a fierce nature and the way he moved and held himself screamed that he was a dangerous man. I'd known as much since the moment I first laid eyes on him. I knew he would never hurt me or anything I loved but the thought of the ridiculously dominant man raising a child and criticizing it with overbearing golden eyes made my heart ache painfully. _

_My sister held me for hours until I had cried myself to sleep, assuring me that she would be with me through every decision I made. _

_When the sun's morning rays woke me the next day, I stretched my tense muscles and sat up on Misao's couch. For a moment I had forgotten where I was and panicked but within seconds the memories of the previous night washed over me. The reality of the situation hit me again and I fell back on my pillows, staring at the ceiling. Sleep had apparently helped me calm down because I was able to think clearly and without wanting to break down. _

_I'm not sure how long I was lost in thought but by the time Misao had stumbled out of her and Aoshi's bedroom, I had made up my mind. Her eyes were still closed but she knew her way to the automatic coffee pot well. Even blindly she managed to successfully bring two mugs back to my couch, refusing to speak or open her eyes until the magical liquid passed between her lips. _

_She handed me one of the mugs and then sipped at her own for a moment before she finally looked at me. "How are you doing?" _

_I watched as my fingers absently played with the designs on the mug. "I decided that since we can't change the past, I'm going to have to accept it, and if he can't do the same then we can't be together. I'm going to keep it; it's up to him if he wants to stay."_

_By now Misao was fully awake and she eyed me intently, making sure I was truly alright with my new twist in life. "What about school?"_

"_I only have two semesters left so finishing won't be a problem. If worst comes to worst, I have enough money saved up to be able to take a year off of work to take care of it. By then I'll have my degree and I'll be able to find a job that will pay me enough to take care of it on my own." _

"_Would you be alright Kenshin decides to leave?" Though Misao had serious doubts about the man, she knew that I was hopelessly in love with him. It was the only reason she 'allowed' me to date him in the first place. _

_My heart ached terribly at the thought but I forced it away. "Everything happens for a reason. If he can't love something that I love then it won't work out in the end anyway."_

_Misao was quiet for a moment. "I was serious about what I said yesterday, Kaoru. I been wanting to do a background check on him for a long time but I don't care what you say anymore; there's something that's not right with him and I want to figure out what it is. If there's a possibility that he might be raising my sister's child, I have to make sure he has a clean record. Please promise me you won't tell him until everything is clear."_

_Half of me was slightly frustrated that I still had to defend his innocence after two years, but the other half was curious. "Fine. But if you don't find anything in a week, I'm going to tell him." _

"_Deal," she said, staring off, eyes determined. _

_We spent the entire day shopping- Misao's way of congratulating me. At first we were both quiet and in our own thoughts, but after passing two maternity stores and a toy store, Misao finally cracked. "You're pregnant!" she cried excitedly. _

_I stared, incredulous. "I do believe we have already established this…" _

"_We need to prepare!" she grinned and pulled me into a store full of baby clothing. _

"_We have until like…" I paused to do the math, "October! We can't get anything yet." _

_She rolled her eyes. "Of course not, silly. But that doesn't mean we can't look!"_

_In no time we became the most annoying customers, cooing and giggling at the impossibly small socks and shoes and hats. "This," Misao said, holding up a tiny shirt with a baby lion on it, "is the most adorable thing I have ever seen in my life!"_

_The tension from earlier had finally melted into giddiness and we grinned for hours. Finally when we felt like our legs were going to fall off, we headed to the car and Misao drove me home._

_I unlocked the door, put my purse and shopping bags on the kitchen counter and nearly screamed in surprise when I was suddenly covered in a dark shadow. Even after dating the man for two years, Kenshin's inhuman speed was still impossible to get used to. _

"_You didn't call me, koi." Jealousy was evident in his tone and in his bright eyes. _

_I turned to face him, not expecting him to be so close to me. My heart beat quickly and I wondered if he could tell that I was hiding something from him. "Calm down; you knew I was with Misao the whole time."_

"_What did you two do?"_

_Sometimes he sounded like he was truly obsessed. "Don't tell me you're jealous of my sister, Kenshin. We needed some time to ourselves. It's not a big deal," I stubbornly avoided the question. It always irritated me when Kenshin quizzed me about all the details of my moments without him. I loved him but his constant proximity was suffocating me. He couldn't accept the fact that I needed a social life and that sometimes it was nice to breathe without him for a bit. _

"_I didn't know where you were. What if you got hurt?" He was trying to justify himself to make me understand his paranoia._

_I stared at him. "Why do you always fear me getting hurt? This may come as a surprise to you but I can, in fact, take care of myself." _

_His golden stare burned into me, as if trying to tell me something that he didn't dare to vocalize. __My breath hitched in my throat and I felt blood drain from my face. _It was in that moment that my months of accumulating fears were confirmed; he was hiding something from me… something very serious.

_It couldn't be true; he wouldn't keep secrets, especially about something so obviously important..._

_Would he?_

"_What are you trying to protect me from?" I whispered. _

_It seemed as if I was enveloped in his embrace before the words were even out of my mouth. He held me against him tightly, his grasp needy. I understood the action- he needed to hold me to make sure that everything really was alright- but not knowing __**why**__ he was so worried sent a chill down my spine. _

_He let me push him away just enough for me to peer into his eyes again but this time I couldn't decipher anything. "Are you in some kind of trouble?" I guessed, unsure of what else it could be. _

_Again he ignored the question but his hand rose to cup my cheek delicately. "You're mine, koi, and I always protect what is mine at any cost. Nothing will ever touch you; I promise," his tone dripped with such intensely that I nearly melted in his arms. He steadied my trembling body and lowered forceful, yet somehow tender lips on mine and I was lost to the world. _


	3. Fist of Reality

_**A/N- Last night I simply could not stop writing so I feel ridiculously accomplished. It is for this reason I've decided to post a few days sooner than previously planned, and I hope to pass on some of my cheer. **_

**_Oh, good old suspense... :D Happy reading!! _**

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**_-February 22nd, 2006-_**

_For some reason I had woken up in a mood to clean so I scrubbed everything down until the apartment was spotless. It's not like Kenshin and I were messy people- on the contrary, we were perhaps a little too cleanly- but sometimes the urge to clean takes over and I have no choice but to succumb to it. After I had finished with the kitchen, living room, and the bathroom, I moved on to the bedroom. _

_The laundry was ready so I replaced fresh sheets on the bed and fluffed the pillows nicely, and then proceeded to fold the rest of the clothing, ironing those that were wrinkly. I dusted everything, cleaned the windows and mirrors, and vacuumed. Satisfied with my work, I smiled. All I had to do was put away the clothes and then I'd cook a late lunch that I figured would be ready when Kenshin arrived home from work. _

_Kenshin and I had separate closets so I grabbed a few hangers from each and hung the proper garments. But when I was putting Kenshin's work shirts in his closet, I noticed something on the floor in the very back. Curious, I moved the clothes that were covering it aside, and pulled the objects out. _

_A mix of emotions washed over me as I carefully turned the two old, and certainly authentic, samurai swords over in my hands. I was impressed with the details on the hilts and when I pulled one of the blades from its sheath, I ran my fingers over the metal. They reminded me of my youth when father taught Misao and me the Kamiya-Kashin Ryu. Of course we always used bokkens, but real three hundred year old swords were showcased around the dojo and I always loved looking at them. _

_I concluded that they must have been from sometime around the Meiji era, and confused, I wondered why Kenshin would hide such beautiful antiques. As I replaced the swords exactly as I had found them, I made a mental note to ask him if he wanted to hang them on the wall instead. The wall by the front door was empty anyway- it would be perfect._

_I finished hanging the clothing and spent the next half hour preparing oden and a beef stew, all the while wondering how to tell my boyfriend that he was going to be a father. I had just finished setting the table when the front door opened and my scarlet-haired lover floated inside. I barely had time to register his appearance before he flew over to me and wrapped me in a tight hug and kissed me passionately. _

_He pulled away and grinned at me when he felt my knees quiver. "I couldn't resist…" he explained. _

_I glowered at him playfully and went to check on the oden but he caught me a step later. _

"_I wasn't done yet, koi," he said, nipping at my neck._

_I melted into the embrace but forced myself not to succumb to his kisses. "Lunch is going to burn…" I breathed. _

_Kenshin kissed me a few more times before disappearing from behind me and appearing all the way in the kitchen. He stirred the stew and examined the oden before looking back at me with golden eyes. "It's ready…" he almost growled. _

_This concerned me. "What? Does it smell bad?" _

"_Of course not. I just don't like to wait," he said, taking the time to look me up and down. _

_I rolled my eyes and went to take the food to the table. "I apologize for your suffering." By the time I got to the stove, I realized that the large pot that was almost to the brim with stew was already sitting in the center of the kitchen table. I blinked, somehow still surprised that Kenshin was able to move __**that**__ fast, especially with something heavy. _

"_Keep it up and I think I'll just have to punish you for your sassiness," he called from over his shoulder. _

"_Sassy, huh?" I said with a smirk, grabbing the udon. "That's a first."_

_Kenshin would have rushed me through the meal but he restrained himself, muttering that we would both need energy. The second I had swallowed my last bite, he nearly ripped me out of my chair and carried me off to the bedroom, drowning me in passionate kisses._

_As we lay in bed after, he kept kissing me hungrily. I didn't complain- I mean, how could you complain about an impossibly attractive man showing how he just can't get enough of you? But I was confused; he was never so needy afterwards... _

_When he pulled away and our eyes met, I realized that even his golden eyes were a little darker than normal and there was an almost hollow look in them. It seemed like he was trying to drink my image just to hold himself together. There was no denying the strange, almost distant air about him and my heart nearly stopped. "Do you trust me, koi?" The question was serious, though there was no hostility at all. It was more like he needed to know for his own personal sake and I felt that if I said the wrong thing it would break him. _

"_Of course I do," I said, concerned. "Do I have a reason not to trust you?"_

"_You know I will always protect you," he said, though it wasn't the answer to my question. _

_I opened my mouth to ask what was wrong but he kissed me again, successfully silencing me. "I have some work to take care of tonight, koi, so I won't be home until the morning. Are you going to be alright?"_

_I stroked his cheek. "You worry about me too much. I'm sure I'll survive the night, Kenshin…" _

_He searched my eyes for any hesitation and finally climbed out of bed._

_Kenshin showered and dressed in dark pants and a black trench coat, and pulled his hair into the rare high ponytail that he only wore when he had late nights at work. I walked him to the front door, where he pawed at me again hungrily and almost started taking off his clothes once more before I stopped him. "Be safe and hurry home, alright?"_

_He looked like he was holding back from saying something but just told me that he loved me and that I should spend the night relaxing. Then in a flash he was gone. _

_I stood in the doorway for a moment before shutting the door and then sat on the couch and grabbed the remote. But before I hit the power button, I swore I heard something- almost like a window opening- in our bedroom. I immediately calmed my ki and focused, unflinching. In fear I realized that someone was in the room… and his ki was strong and smothering… exactly like Kenshin's- but in a heartbeat, it was gone again. _

_I leaped up and ran to the kitchen, grabbed the biggest cleaver, and carefully neared the bedroom. The door was only slightly ajar so I kicked it open and scanned the room. It was completely empty and the window was shut tightly. Not satisfied enough, I checked every possible spot an intruder could hide, even though I couldn't feel the person's ki anymore. When I opened Kenshin's closet door, I poked around behind his coats to ensure no one was hiding behind them._

_And I found nothing. _

_**Nothing.**_

_The two samurai swords were gone. _

_I spun around and ran through the entire house to make sure no one had gotten past me, but my heart was racing for another reason entirely. My blood was circulating so quickly that it made my head spin and I had to sit down before I threw up. Subconsciously I had already put the pieces together but I refused to acknowledge the only logical explanation. _

_Of course I had just imagined the swords earlier; they never existed to begin with. It didn't even make sense to hide such beautiful swords, especially when Kenshin loved Japanese history so much. I must have just wore myself out earlier with all the cleaning or perhaps I had inhaled too much cleaning solution and that's why I had imagined two samurai swords- of all things- tucked away in my boyfriend's closet. _

_Absolutely ridiculous, right?_

_Nevertheless, I flew out of my seat and started pacing nervously, unable to calm myself. In the end I grabbed my phone and keys and ran nearly the entire way to Megumi's place, not knowing what else to do. _

"_Kaoru," my best friend said when she saw me, breathless and disheveled, leaning in her doorway. "What's wrong?" She urged me inside and I took a seat on one of her bar stools and swung back and forth anxiously. "What happened?" she asked me again when I refused to speak. _

_And so suddenly that I surprised even myself, a burst of laughter escaped my lips. The sound of panting mixed with hysterical laughter was strange even to my ears but I couldn't stop. Megumi's worried look deepened. "Kaoru?"_

_I finally caught my breath and laughed again, this time forced, and I faked a large grin. "Haha, Gumi… I can't believe you fell for that. You should see your face right now," I giggled, pointing. _

_It was only at that moment that I realized just what I had gotten myself into. I had just run into the bear's cave. Had I been thinking clearly, I would have went to Misao's apartment instead because she was completely trustworthy. _

_For her credit, so was Megumi. My best friend wouldn't backstab me, I was sure. But the fact was that she was now engaged to Sanosuke, so Megumi would be more loyal to him. Since Kenshin and Sanosuke were partners any potential threats to one would be a threat to the other and if Megumi suspected that I was suspicious about Kenshin's work, she would say something. Even if she wasn't afraid of me endangering the two men, she would just as likely tell Sano to have Kenshin explain himself. I knew Kenshin wouldn't hurt me but I still feared his reaction. He was intimidating enough without trying; I didn't want to ever find out how terrifying he would be if he was upset with me. I was concidering that he was **hurting** people- how could he ever take such an accusation lightly?_

_But of course, the whole thing was ridiculous, after all. I mean, was I supposed to believe that my boyfriend was currently roaming the streets pretending he was some samurai? _

_Megumi eyed me distrustfully. "What are you talking about?"_

"_It was a joke to see how scared you would get. I was just watching tv and they had a prank show where people tried to scare their friends. I wanted to try it out but I didn't think I could actually pull it off!" The excuse was weak and I knew she didn't believe me for a second. _

"_Are you out of your mind?"_

_I walked to the kitchen, ignoring her, and helped myself to a glass of water. I needed to distract myself. "Anyway," I said in between sips, "I thought we should have a girls' night since the guys are out. We haven't gotten to hang out just the two of us in forever." I was sure that Megumi knew all the details of Sano and Kenshin's work lives. She wouldn't tell me anything about it, but if I played my cards right, I would at least be able to get her to discredit my outrageous theory. _

_Megumi looked at the clock. "Well, I have a few hours but I have to leave at 9. I'm working graveyard again."_

"_Oh," I pouted. "Do you want to go rent a movie and get take out for later?" _

_The slender woman grinned. "I'll drive."_

_We placed an order for a medium pizza and ran into the movie rental store next door. _

_Megumi took the romance isle while I took the comedy, agreeing to pick out the best candidates and meet in the middle. I selected one about a high school drinking adventure gone wrong, one about a comical wedding disaster, a funny take on the classic Robin Hood, and a fourth with a picture of my favorite actor- I didn't know what it was about but it was absolutely impossible for any movie with him in it to not be funny. _

_I waited in the middle for Megumi but she was taking longer than I expected. When she emerged, I explained my choices. "I have a modern take on Romeo and Juliet," the taller woman said, flipping through the boxes in her hands, "another classic forbidden love story, a silly-looking vampire love movie that would be more of a comedy, I suppose, and…" she paused to pull out the one from the bottom. "Oh, right. This one is about a girl who fell in love with a swordsman."_

"_No!" I said a little too loudly and instantly covered my mouth. A couple in the neighboring isle glared at me for the outburst but it was Megumi's look that concerned me more. My reaction had confirmed something for her and I had the sinking feeling that the sly fox was going to rat me out. I covered up quickly, "I've already seen that one twice. It was so boring that I fell asleep. I think we should rent the vampire one. Romance and comedy- we can't go wrong."_

_Megumi's skeptical look dissolved into a happy smile, though I knew her well enough to recognize that it wasn't sincere. Tension was thick on the drive home but we kept the light conversation going throughout the movie as we nibbled on our veggie lover's pizza. I'd never felt so uncomfortable around my best friend and that in itself upset me._

_Though I had previously planed on slipping some sort of comment that would have forced her to confess that Kenshin and Sano were not killers, after the movie store incident I dared not to say anything on the matter. The film was funny but we could only force our laughter and by the time it ended, Megumi only had thirty minutes to get ready for work. I wasted no time in excusing myself as casually as I could and bid her a good night._

_Normally I took the bus home but I decided that a twenty minute walk would help me clear my mind better. I always hated the cold and the crisp winter breeze numbed my face but the feeling was nice and managed to distract me. I slowed and realized that there was no way I'd be able to go back home yet so I took a detour and wound up at a small park. Most of the benches were frosty but one was swept clean so I lay down on it, staring up at the starry sky, trying to convince myself that it was all just some horrible misunderstanding. _

_Sure, I was a bit suspicious about Kenshin but to actually believe that he was some sword-wielding lunatic was absurd. He was a police officer, for Kami's sake. If he was so dangerous and my best friend knew, why hadn't she warned me when I'd first met the scarlet-haired man? _

_I was deep in thought when my pocket started vibrating. The motion scared the wits out of me but when I realized it was just my phone, I pulled it out and saw Misao's grinning photograph dancing on the screen. _

_I let out a breath and clutched at my heart. "You know, you nearly just gave me a heart attack," I said._

_The other end was silent for a few seconds before my sister's soft voice finally responded. "Where are you?" _

"_At a park by my place. I needed some fresh air."_

"_Why? What happened?"_

_I laughed, explaining the day's events while my sister remained strangely quiet. " Completely outlandish, huh?" I concluded, feeling silly when I had actually said the story aloud. Verbalizing it helped ease my thoughts._

"_Do you know when he will be back?" _

_I sat up, wondering why that would be important. "He said he would be out all night. Why?"_

"_Listen," she sounded unusually serious. "I'm leaving Kyoto now. I want you to pack anything essential and I'll be there within two hours. We're going to get you out of there."_

_She hadn't spoken loudly but the words pounded in my head and my mouth dried completely. "What are you talking about, Misao?"_

_Hesitation_. "_I just finished his background check."_

_It took me a second to register the words but when I did the reality of it all punched me in the face._

_It was true. The signs were so obvious now but I couldn't even put them together for two years. His impossible speed, his glowing eyes, his seriousness, his protectiveness, his ever-alert stance, his expertise with a knife in the kitchen… _

_This whole time he wasn't afraid of my inability to take care of myself. He was scared of his dark deeds somehow having an effect on me. He was afraid that he was going to -__**kill**__- the wrong person and someone would get revenge on him by attacking me. He was inadvertently putting me in danger and, aware of the fact, he made up for it by being overprotective and watching my every move to ensure that none of his enemies would ever touch me. _

_How could he not have told me? How could he spend two years with me and not think that I might want to know that he _kills_ people? Would he have ever told me? I'd asked him so many times about what he did at work and what was bothering him so badly, given him hundreds of chances to confess. And I'd defended his innocence from my sister countless times!_

_My heart rate raced and I tried to keep myself from fainting. My boyfriend- my boyfriend!- had KILLED people! _

_Though he'd never actually lied to me, I would say that not telling me something this significant would be considered lying. Lying was keeping the truth from someone. I'd trusted him so completely with all of my heart and soul. I was hopelessly in love with him and had he asked me to marry him, I would have done so right at that moment. I would have followed him to the ends of the earth just to be with him. I'd done everything for him and I always wondered what else I could do to show him how much he meant to me... and he had lied to me. _

_"Kaoru...? Kaoru, sis... please breathe.." Worry caked her tone._

_Only my subconscious heard the words and slowly my erratic breathing began to calm... and then sped up again and my eyes widened as m__y hand absently crept up to my stomach and stroked it softly. _

_Now it wasn't just my life that was going to be in danger. There was no way I'd let an **murderer** raise my child- especially one that he didn't even want. It didn't matter how much I loved Kenshin or how my heart would shatter from never seeing him again. Even at that moment it felt like an invisible hand had taken hold of my chest and throat and squeezed as tightly as it could. It felt like some sinister demon had lept up from the underworld and was cackling as it seared my heart. I felt my eyes cloud over with some strange wet mist as the seriousness of the situation sunk in. I had a murderer's child inside of me..._

"_What did you find?" I whispered, so desperately hoping against hope that I was wrong. Please, PLEASE tell me that I was a fool and I had misunderstood everything... this was all some horrible nightmare. None of it was true..._

_There was a long silence. "I think you already know…"_


	4. Dance With The Devil

**A/N: We're finally back to the present! The scene in this chapter is the one that inspired me to write this whole story. I don't know how it's possible to love writing drama/suspense so much when I hate it in real life! Anyway- there have been concerns over the direction of this fic and I do assure you that the labels are correct... I can't write a story without involving romance, so do not worry. Kenshin is more of a mix between Rurouni and Battousai, which is why he is not happy all the time. I agree with some of you, he is a scarier here but just wait it out!! I don't think you will be disappointed! :D All will be crystal clear in two more chapters!**

**Oh- and I kept true to my word and watched Samurai X: Reflection. If you have not seen it, DO NOT SEE IT!!!! I can't believe they tried to end it like that... If I didn't know that Nobuhiro Watsuki hadn't approved of it, I would have gone absolutely mad. Ridiculously depressing... it broke my heart. **

**I don't own the characters (very sadly) or the song by Breaking Benjamin from which the title of this chapter comes from. **

**Enjoy! **

* * *

**-January 20th, 2009-**

Aoshi, Omasu, Kenji, and I had spent the entire day packing. Over half of our belongings had already made it to a storage unit rented under a fake name two towns away. Most of our furniture was on the moving truck outside but the rest of the apartment was littered with boxes.

It would have been time to move even if I hadn't panicked earlier that week; staying in one place for longer than six months was far too risky.

We had gotten used to packing by then so it wasn't nearly as tedious and stressful as the first few times. We didn't keep too many personal belongings because things such as photographs and baby books and sentimental memorabilia would have been far too revealing and therefore dangerous if they were ever discovered. A single picture of Kenji in Kenshin's hands would have ruined everything for my son's future; he'd always be hunted and that was a confrontation I was willing to do anything to avoid. Anything potentially hazardous was kept in a hidden safe in one of the Oniwaban safe houses that was so secret that it didn't even officially exist in any records.

We only kept necessities with us and everything else was always in storage so even if Kenshin did find us and we needed to escape immediately, we wouldn't lose too much. Plus there was always backup clothing and necessities ready at any moment.

I heaved another box onto the moving truck and nearly ran into Omasu as I turned around. I clutched at my racing heart and half-glowered at his cheeky grin. "I swear you're going to give me a heart attack before the end of the day…"

The man laughed and deposited his box on top of mine. I really had no idea what I would have done without my sister and her connections to the Oniwaban. They'd helped me countless times with everything and they jokingly said I was broken at the hip because of how often I bowed to them in gratitude.

We finished stuffing the truck and Omasu drove it off to the storage unit.

"Mommy!" Kenji cried as he ran outside. "I packed all of my toys away!"

"Did you really?" I asked and let him lead me back to his room. Two large boxes were sitting in the middle of the room but nothing else was to be seen. "Great job, baby!" I peeked inside to see how much room was left and pulled a permanent marker from my back pocket and offered it to him. "Do you want to write your name on it so we know it's yours?"

"Yeah!" The small boy grabbed the marker and nearly skipped over to the box, always eager to help with anything he could. But instead he drew a picture of two stick people, one tall and one small, holding hands underneath a large sun. On the other box he drew a smiling lion. He finally stood and admired his artwork.

"I love it," I said, smiling. "Auntie Misao should be home any minute so we will put them in her car."

Together we pulled out the boxes one by one to the main room so it would be closer to the front door. "Help me put the movies in here, too, alright?" Nearly all of the movies were his anyway.

Kenji nodded determinedly and grabbed a handful, tossing them in the box. He was too young to care for organization so I stacked the DVD boxes neatly and as he handed them to me in twos and threes. I made sure to keep his movies separate from Misao's and Aoshi's. They would have to go in a different box.

I stared off for a moment, going over the plan for the hundredth time to make sure there were no weak spots in it. I'd have to say something within the next few days…

"Mommy, why do we have to move again?" he asked innocently as he handed me another handful. Large lilac eyes peered at me curiously.

I forced a smile and stroked his cheek. "It's like an adventure, isn't it?"

He grinned, not realizing that it wasn't the answer to his question. "I love moving. It's fun!"

Aoshi walked in the door then and put two bags on the kitchen counter. My stomach immediately growled when I saw the logo. "I always love it when it's Chef Aoshi's night to cook," I laughed.

He muttered something under his breath but smiled as well. Moments later Misao walked in the door and wasting no time, Aoshi flitted over to the younger girl and placed a kiss on her lips. The action instantly made my sister grin and she nearly bounced to tackle Kenji in a hug. "How was your day, Sunshine?"

"I helped Mommy and Unckie Aoshi pack!" he said proudly. "Mommy said we have to put my toys in your car. I wanna help!"

"We can do that right after we eat, alright?" Misao rubbed her stomach, "I'm ridiculously hungry."

I was already in the kitchen at this point, my own hunger even greater than hers, helping Aoshi distribute the food.

"Where are we gonna eat?" Kenji cried in alarm, standing exactly where the table used to be, his arms thrown in the air.

"You, mister," I said running at him and scooping him up quickly, emitting a childish shriek from him, "are going to sit on the counter to eat!"

Kenji gasped. "Really, Mommy?" I placed him on the kitchen counter and laughed at his expression. Apparently he thought this was the best day ever; not only did he get a chance to help, but he also thought everything about moving was an adventure like the ones in his favorite movies. And now he was actually going to eat dinner while sitting on the counter? All of this was unheard of and it thrilled him to no end.

The rest of us stood around the island counter as Misao described her day and arrangements for the next three days, and later we all agreed that a game night was a great idea. After such a long day we needed something to help us relax.

Kenji pulled out his favorite board game and after I taped up the boxes and we hauled them outside and placed them neatly in the trunk. All that remained inside were a few boxes of clothes, the dishes, a few books, and a few other miscellaneous things that we decided could wait until the morning.

"Mommy, can we have hot choc while we play?" He pulled at my pants lightly, looking up at me with huge eyes. My son always knew exactly how to ask for things in a way to make it impossible to say no. How could I have denied him anyway? He had been perfect all day, insisting on helping us and never once complaining.

"Of course, baby." But when I opened the refrigerator there was no milk to be found.

"I can go get milk," Aoshi volunteered before I could open my mouth.

I shook my head. "I'll get it. You and Osamu wouldn't let me drive the truck so I've been stuck inside all day."

A look of apprehension flashed across Misao's face. "Are you sure? I _really_ don't think you should go."

"I'll be fine. It can't take more than ten minutes." My nerves were on edge and I had been restless all day. I needed fresh air and a chance to clear my mind.

"Hurry back, Mommy!" Kenji said, hugging me. I hugged him back and went to pull on my thick winter coat.

I bit my lip as I stepped out of the warmth of the house and into the freezing night but kept telling myself that I needed to get out of the house for a bit. The closest convenience store was only a few blocks away so the walk would help clear my mind. It was already very dark outside and the streets were absolutely devoid of life due to the insanely cold temperature.

I walked a bit quicker and let out a breath when I entered the warmth of the store. The cashier looked up from her magazine, boredom all too clear on her features. "Can I help you, miss?"

"I just need a carton of milk," I explained and grabbed the item and brought it back to her.

She told me the total and asked if I needed a bag- which I declined- and bid me a good night. "Be safe," she said after me. "The roads are icy." My left hand clutched the milk but I stuffed my other hand into my pocket before leaving.

It seemed that the second I stepped outside everything had changed. The strong wind that blew against me the entire way there had completely died and the streets were absolutely silent. It was January but my blood suddenly felt so thick and hot that I could have argued that it was June. My pulse quickened painfully fast and my head started aching.

Something was wrong… and to my horror, I knew exactly what it was.

My eyes scanned the street, wishing to every deity I could think of that I was wrong. But the second I had finished my prayer, I saw the flash of scarlet I hadn't seen in years. Sickeningly, my heart plummeted to the ground and my mouth dried instantaneously. Golden orbs glowed under the dim streetlights as he advanced toward me, deliberately moving painfully slowly. I opened my mouth to scream but no sound came out.

That's when I realized in terror that I was not only rooted to the spot, but the rest of my body was paralyzed as well. I was absolutely hopeless... I couldn't possibly escape for a second time.

"I was rather hoping, Kaoru," Kenshin began casually, though his tone was so icy that it made me shiver, "that you could help me solve a troubling riddle." He was still twenty feet away and his voice was soft but I heard every syllable clearly.

_MOVE!!_ I mentally screamed at my useless limbs but only my fingers responded. I wrapped my hand around the phone in my pocket and carefully hit '2' on the speed dial, let it ring once, and hung then up; Aoshi and Misao would recognize the emergency signal. I just wished they would do something before it was too late. If Kenshin had noticed, he made no indication.

"Why would someone who was so desperately in love run away without a word?" Wisps of scarlet hair flew about in the wind but all I could focus on was his intense, piercing stare.

Even if I knew how to respond, my vocal chords would not have functioned. I was a tiny mouse cowering from the cobra that was closing in, toying with his dinner.

I tried desperately to focus on my useless legs to cooperate but they only slowly broke away from their spell. I found myself stiffly moving backwards but it was pointless to run anyway. He could catch me in a heartbeat. My legs seemed to gradually work better with each step and soon the stiff movements quickened. It still wasn't enough.

"I've been trying to make sense of it for the past four years," Kenshin continued, "but for some strange reason, the answer keeps eluding me and running away right as I put my finger on it."

My heart throbbed sickeningly. I had successfully backed away maybe five feet before my foot hit a patch of ice. I flew backwards but I knew I wouldn't hit the ground. Sure enough, lean, though impossibly strong arms wrapped around me before I fell even half way.

The embrace was so familiar that it tore open the wounds from leaving him that had only recently healed. The touch and his tantalizing scent brought back a wave of memories that made me choke and I realized then just how much I had missed him. I missed his embraces, his kisses, his whisperes in the dark.

… But words could not describe how terrified I was of him…

A whimper tore out of me and I cursed myself for showing weakness. I blinked rapidly, trying to focus my bleary eyes.

Glinting golden eyes were _even more_ menacing so close to my face. My lungs burned painfully, reminding me that I hadn't taken a breath for a full minute. "Don't tell me that you really thought I wouldn't come after you. You're bound to me forever. Nothing will change that."

A wave of fury ebbed at my terror. How dare he think of me as a possession? Did he think I was a pet and he could just put a collar on me and call me his? Had the situation been different, I'd have laughed when my fingers clenched tightly. What would that have helped? Would I have tried to punch him? Of all the useless-

But then I realized that something was in my hand…

Without hesitation, I brought my hand up and slammed the carton of milk down on Kenshin's head. Surprised, his grip loosened for a fraction of a second and I ripped myself away, flying off as fast as I possibly could. I tore down the street, not daring to look back, knowing that he would catch me again at any second and whisk me away into the night before I even had the chance to scream for help.

There was an almost animalistic snarl from behind me but it burned into ironic laughter. The sound wasn't as loud as I expected- he wasn't pursuing me yet. "What are you going to do, my little Kaoru? Do you think you can escape so easily? You're _**mine**_. You couldn't possibly put enough distance between us to make that change. I will always know where you fly off to, koi."

Did he know what I was planning? He couldn't possibly have figured it out… not even my sister knew! My ears pounded from the rush of blood and my frantic footfalls echoed off the buildings, disturbing the otherwise unnaturally silent night.

The laughter suddenly died and I knew he was after me again but though Kenshin could somehow move with god-like speed, he we still human, and with movements so quick even he couldn't be absolutely sure of his footing when icy sidewalks were involved.

Then a screeching sound erupted from down the street I was running towards. Was there hope after all?

Kenshin cursed from behind me just as a dark BMW squealed to a halt at the corner. The door was flung open and I dove inside. Aoshi wasted no time in smashing his foot on the pedal and the force of the sudden acceleration shut the door for me.

I peered out the window as we sped off and the sight chilled me to the bone. Thank Kami I hadn't looked back before because my legs surely would have failed me. Kenshin was standing on the corner I had just occupied seconds ago, milk soaking his ruby hair and dripping down his face. It coated his black trench coat and pooled slowly underneath his boots.

He hadn't expected help to be on the way, let alone arrive so soon. He thought he had more than enough time to toy with me.

I'd never seen him look angrier in the six years that I'd known him; his eyes were furious slits that were so intense, I had to swallow the bile that rose into my throat. His lips were set in a thin line, and even in the darkness I could see how tense he was and how tightly he was clenching his fists.

"You should buckle up, Kaoru," Aoshi said quietly. Anyone else would have said 'I told you so' but thankfully he bit his lip.

I nodded numbly and fumbled with the buckle with trembling fingers for a full thirty seconds before I finally heard the click. "Thank you," I managed, my voice quivering.

"Did he hurt you?" Aoshi's cold tone was not directed at me but it was still frightening.

"No, he didn't."

There was a long silence before he spoke again. "You know that I can turn around right now and have this whole thing taken care of once and for all…"

"No!" I cried, tears finally spilling down my cheeks. He had mentioned the offer several times before but even though the scarlet haired man petrified me, I could never live in a world where he didn't exist. Terrifying as he was, I still loved him and I'd rather keep moving around the world for the rest of my life than be the one to order his death.

"You can't be serious, Kaoru," Aoshi said. "Are you really going to keep uprooting your son every few months? Do you want him to live his whole life in fear?"

"I know he won't hurt Kenji. It's the risk of Kenshin trying to raise my son in his footsteps that I fear- Where are you going!?" With wide eyes I watched the road we were supposed to turn onto to go back home disappear behind us.

"If he found you here, there's no doubt he knows where we live. He must have just gotten here and didn't have time to look inside because nothing would have stopped him from breaking in once he saw you two." He was right… and as terrified as I was, I was grateful beyond words that I had drawn him away from Kenji. "Misao is already long gone with Kenji. We're meeting them at safe house a little over two hours from here. We will plan our next move from there."

I nodded silently, unsuccessfully trying to force the haunting image of golden eyes from my mind.

Misao unlocked the door only when Aoshi knocked the secret knock. The door flew open and I saw a dark mass running at me. My sister nearly knocked me over and squeezed me so tightly I couldn't breathe. "I knew Aoshi should have gone out instead! You scared me half to death, Kaoru. I can't believe you were able to escape! What happened? Did he hurt you? I'll kill him myself!"

Aoshi quickly closed the door and pulled us away so we wouldn't disturb the sleeping three-year-old.

My eyes widened and I shook my head quickly as more tears escaped. "You can't kill him-"

"Of course we can," she interrupted. "He may be the top assassin in Japan but he's not invincible; there's no way he can stand up to the Oniwaban."

While the regular police force oversaw the safety of the public community, the federal police department had a secret division of special agents that served as an internal intelligence agency. The Oniwaban knew everything that happened in the country- public and underground- and their skills were unsurpassed. The few higher ups that knew of their existence even nicknamed them ninjas because of their unbelievable stealth and combat skills.

Kenshin and Sanosuke worked with another, even more private group, called the Choshu, who watched over threats to government officials and snuffed potential riots and uprisings. They never killed unless it was absolutely essential; but the Oniwaban still viewed them as assassins, and therefore a threat to the Japanese people. Even Megumi doubled as a doctor for the Choshu. She really was a sly fox, after all. Misao and Aoshi were the leaders of the Oniwaban and I was the only reason they hadn't already dispatched them to eliminate the murderer.

Of course I only knew all of this thanks to my sister. Sanosuke, Megumi, and Kenshin would never have told me anything- even though I had asked numerous times what kind of police work they did. They always waved off my questions like I was an overly curious child and said that everything was top secret. I had never doubted that for a second- but they all knew without a doubt they could trust me. And to think I had trusted them so completely...

"Please…" I begged her. "He's not evil. He would never hurt an innocent."

She scoffed. "No? It seems to me that he's doing a damn good job of hurting you."

"I can't let you kill my son's father," I sobbed.

"What good is an assassin to your son, Kaoru? He doesn't even know about Kenji!" Tears were pooling in her eyes but Misao's voice was steadily rising and I realized that she was twisting her fear of almost losing me into anger. She always hated to show weakness. "What the hell do you think he would do if he found out that you've been hiding his flesh and blood for nearly four years? Would he smile and welcome him with open arms? No, he probably won't kill him, but what kind of father do think he would be? Is a killer going to teach your son to be peaceful or is he going to thrust a sword in his hand and train him-"

"That's why I've been running from him, Misao!" I finally bit back, tears still flowing freely down my face. "I refuse to let my son grow up in terror of an unhealthily serious father who is going to criticize his every move! But what would you like me to say when my son looks me in the eye and asks me where his dad is? _'Sorry, Kenji- I had him killed.'_"

"I can't believe you're actually protecting someone who terrifies so deeply that you're willing to move every year for the rest of your life! Wouldn't it be better without him?! Imagine- you could actually stay in one place where Kenji can actually grow up with friends and stay in one school! Would that really be so horrible? There are plenty of kids that grow up with just one parent and they turn out fine! We lost both mom and dad before we even made it to high school and look at us- you're a damn good doctor who graduated two years earlier than everyone else and I'm in charge of some of the most important officials of Japan!"

I was tired.

Tired of fighting.

Tired of yelling.

Tired of running.

Tired of being afraid.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, bracing myself. I looked Misao in the eyes, all of my anger vanishing. "We have to leave-"

She interrupted immediately, still mad, though she'd noticed my slumped shoulders and lowered her voice. "Of course we have to leave," she said obviously. "Omasu's arranging a new house for us as we speak."

"No…" I said shaking my head, fresh tears pooling in my eyes. "_We_ have to leave… Kenji and I. We're going to move to America. I've been arranging everything for the past month; our apartment there will be ready in two weeks."

Misao clenched her fists. "Two weeks? **When the hell were you planning on telling me!?**" She shook her head vigorously. "No; we'll find a safe place here."

"And how long will it be safe for? You must have made a hundred false trails and he's followed every one." I reminded her softly. "He's determined; he's not one to ever give up. You could make a thousand more and he will follow those, too, until he finds me. But he won't be expecting me to leave the country. We talked about it years ago; he knows I'm petrified of planes and that I would never fly. If he thinks that I ever plan to leave, he'll think it'll be by boat and to somewhere in Asia."

"You're insane if you think that I'm going to let the only family I have left go across the ocean where I can't offer any protection from an assassin."

"You're insane if you think I'm going to let the only family I have left sacrifice her life to live in constant paranoia." Misao glowered at me but I ignored it. "I can never thank you enough for helping me through everything, sis. Please don't make me live the rest of my life in guilt; you're still young and you have a husband who will do anything for you. You have so much to be happy for and I want you to actually live."

"I'll be living in constant paranoia if I can't see you everyday and know that you're safe," she retorted, but we both knew that she was losing the argument. Her voice sounded detached, disbelieving.

"He won't look for me there. You can keep track of his moves best when you're close to him and you can let me know if something happens. Besides… the Oniwaban need you here; I won't be the reason they lose the two best leaders ever."

Misao broke out sobbing now, the reality of what I was saying finally hitting her. She threw her arms around me roughly. "You're such a bitch…" she cried. I squeezed her back and we both wept in the freezing night.


	5. Chicago

**A/N- Thank you for all the reviews! :D I was very happy that everyone enjoyed the chapter even though it was a bit intense! This chapter introduces another character so hopefully it's not too dull. I had a very difficult time writing this and ended up revising more times than I can count. Not to worry- this is merely the calm before the storm! ::Evil laugh:: The next chapter is already written and I am very, very happy with how it turned out. :D Let's just say that the last chappy was nothing compared to what's ahead... **

* * *

**-April 29****th****, 2010-**

"Are you sure it's not too heavy, baby?" I asked, ready to reach for the small bag of groceries Kenji had insisted on carrying.

"I can carry it, Mommy," he said even as he stumbled slightly. "You have too many bags already!"

Figuring that he could manage to walk another block to our apartment, I nodded and pulled up the bags that were slipping in my own hands.

The move to Chicago had been stressful, depressing, and incredibly tiring, but once Kenji and I got settled in I realized the city wasn't as bad as I had expected. Our apartment was close to several bus stops that could take me to the underground and anything beyond so transportation was never an issue. I had been concerned about the hospital that had hired me but I fell in love with the place within a few weeks. I'd made a few friends from work already and there was a day care in the same building so Kenji was never far from me.

The people on the streets kept to themselves for the most part- which was fine because I was more worried about being alert anyway- but if I ever needed directions they helped with a smile. American food was very strange to us but we had experimented with various dishes and found most of them to be surprisingly tasty. Perhaps the biggest thing I had been worried about was the language barrier but thanks to extensive studying the few weeks before I left Japan and my years of taking English classes in school, I had been able to get by with very few issues. Thankfully Kenji was at the perfect age; he was young enough to learn the vocabulary with astonishing ease, and old enough to understand that it was a different language so as to not confuse the two.

I scanned the streets again as we turned onto my street. The only abnormal ki I felt came from a man perhaps a year or two younger than me who always stood right outside our apartment building. I swore he spent more time leaning against the outside his home than inside of it.

I had been suspicious the first few times I saw him but it didn't take more than a week to figure him out. Since then I had gotten used to his otherwise abnormal tendencies.

Deciding that it was time, I stopped in front of the dark haired man. "Still here?" I asked lightly.

He had been there in the morning when I left for work but I already knew that he hadn't stayed long after Kenji and I had hopped on the bus. And though he looked bored and as if he had been leaning against the brick building for hours, I knew he had only recently gotten there.

"Oh," he seemed surprised that I had started a conversation with him, though we made small talk often. I enjoyed being able to speak Japanese whenever possible. "You know me," he said, putting his hand behind his head with a smile. "I love the fresh air."

I suppressed the urge to point out that he could enjoy the weather better in a park or even from his window. "Listen, I'm making spaghetti and meatballs for dinner; would you like to join us?"

"Yeah!" Kenji said, grinning. "Come on, Yahiko!"

He looked hesitant for a moment but then pushed himself off the wall. "How could I say no to that smile?" he said, ruffling Kenji's hair. "Thank you, Kaoru." He reached for some of my bags and helped us up to my third story apartment.

As I put the groceries away and pulled out ingredients for dinner Kenji showed Yahiko nearly all of his toys. The little boy insisted that they play with his new Legos so they sat together until the meal was ready.

"That's a pretty impressive castle," I mentioned, looking at the structure the two of them had built together.

The older man smiled. "I guess I got a little into it," he admitted. "I haven't played with toys since I was seven."

"What did you play with then?" Kenji asked, wide-eyed. He couldn't imagine a world in which people didn't play. The beauty of innocence…

Yahiko looked like he regretted saying anything but finally responded. "I started playing sports when I was a few years older than you. Baseball was my favorite."

"Did you grow up here in America?" I asked casually, noting his tone.

"I was born in Japan. I only came here recently."

"Ah." Hesitation with all of his answers was obvious. "Why did you move? Do you have family here?"

"I'm here for a job. What about you- why did you leave?" He stuffed a large forkful of spaghetti in his mouth.

I shrugged off the image of golden eyes almost as quickly as it came. Not a day passed in which I didn't think of Kenshin, and somehow after four years my impossibly strong love for him hadn't faded. Even though he had lied and terrified me more than anything else on the planet could, I loved him just as much as I did when I had believed he was innocent.

Every day I lost myself in memories of our first kiss, our first date, dancing together at Misao's wedding, sitting underneath the sakura trees, our nights together… I relived the happy memories constantly and forcefully shoved away the memory of my last night in Tokyo.

But over the past week the memories had plagued me more than ever before and even my dreams belonged to him. I had four nightmares in the past week alone of him whisking me off into the night without warning.

Was something wrong? Could he possibly still be after me? I didn't doubt his determination but if it was so obvious that I was going through so much trouble to get away from him, wouldn't he give up and let me be? Wasn't there a saying that said something about sometimes needing to let go of someone you love?

He couldn't possibly want anything from me, anyway. I clearly hadn't put him in danger and he had no idea about Kenji. If he wanted someone to warm his bed he could get any girl in the world. Sure, he was intimidating but the man was painfully gorgeous; all he had to do was look a girl in the eye and she'd be his in a heartbeat.

Was I just overreacting because of all the sudden flashbacks or was my intuition really trying to tell me something?

"I suppose there were a few reasons," I finally said. "But I'm comfortable here and that's what matters in the end."

"I love it here!" Kenji cried, spaghetti sauce all around his mouth. "Mommy said every day is like an adventure!"

"An adventure, huh?" Yahiko said thoughtfully. "Those sure can be fun." They shared stories about their first times on a plane and Yahiko described his childhood escapades in Japan. Kenji stared the whole time and when the guest was done, my son proclaimed that he loved Yahiko and decided they would be best friends forever.

"I suppose this means that you won't be able to spend so much time guarding the front door," I laughed. Yahiko looked at me, judging, unable to read me. This irritated him and he tried unsuccessfully to hide that fact. His posture was perfect, disciplined, alert. It was as painfully apparent but I decided to play along for a while longer.

Kenji didn't realize I had been half-joking. "I can guard the front door with you! Mommy will let me! Right, Mommy?"

They both stared at me, Kenji in excitement and Yahiko in slight apprehension. "That's bound to get boring after a while. How about we go to the park instead?"

"Yeah!" Kenji shouted and stuffed another meatball in his mouth.

I looked at the dark-haired man. "If it's alright with you, of course. I wouldn't want to interrupt any of your plans."

"Sure. I don't mind a new routine every once in a while."

Kenji gasped, nearly choking on his orange juice. "Mommy! Yahiko can come with us to the zoo!"

"I promised him that I would take him on Saturday," I explained. "You're more than welcome to come, if you would like." He would be there either way, so why not make it a little easier for him?

"You HAVE to come, Yahiko! We're gonna see the bears 'cause they're awake now! And the monkeys and graffs and pigs! Mommy even said Simba might be there!" The child could barely contain himself. The lion was his favorite character of all time and for Kenji getting a chance to see him was worth more than all the money in the world.

"Well, if Simba will be there, I guess I have to go."

* * *

**-May 1****st****, 2010-**

A gasp escaped Kenji's lips and he pressed himself against the glass. "Mommy! Is that a real dolphin?"

"It sure is, baby. And look," I said, pointing to the left. "There are two more."

"Cool!" he shouted, unable to contain his excitement.

"Did you know that they're one of the smartest animals in the world?" Yahiko asked Kenji. If there was one thing I learned that day, it was that Yahiko was incredibly intelligent. He knew some sort of fact about all but two animals we'd seen all day. And I'd watched him- he didn't read them off of the informational signs in front of the exhibits, either.

Kenji watched them for long time, completely entranced, and in the end it was obvious that he wasn't going to move on his own.

"We're never going to get to see all of the animals if we don't leave," I told him.

His little hand found mine and we finished looking at the underground underwater exhibit. Yahiko was able to provide us with details about nearly every fish and turtle and crab we saw- even the ones I'd never even heard of before. Kenji concluded that every animal we saw was even better than the last. Had I known that he would love the zoo so much, I would have taken him a long time ago.

The three of us walked around for another hour before we arrived at the safari exhibit. Kenji shouted in glee when he saw four massive giraffes walking about but that was nothing compared to what came next. His eyes moved on and his mouth dropped. He shrieked in delight, scaring the wits out of the couple standing next to us, and bolted ahead. "Mommy! Mommy! Look, Mommy!" he plastered himself against the fence and squealed again. "It's Simba!!"

The lion pride was too distant to care about the three-year-old and far too busy basking in the summer sun. When one of the lionesses stood Kenji jumped up and down. "Nala! Mommy, Nala sees me!" The lioness paced back and forth by the pond in their exhibit and finally lay back down along the edge. "Why don't they come say hi?" Kenji questioned sadly.

"Maybe they're just too hot to run around."

"Oh." He looked back at the lioness longingly.

Yahiko kneeled beside Kenji. "Did you know that lions can run faster than the bus that brought us here?"

Kenji was wide-eyed. "Really?"

"Mhmm.. and lions are a kind of carnivore. Do you know what that is?" Kenji shook his head. "A carnivore is a type of animal that eats meat. Lions always eat meat."

"They don't like rice or cookies or cake?" Kenji cried in alarm.

"Nah, their favorite foods are gazelles or antelopes or something. They naturally live in the wild- they don't have cakes there."

"Can we bring Simba a cake to see if he likes it?"

"I don't think the zookeepers would like that very much."

Kenji looked around cautiously and motioned for Yahiko to come closer and whispered. "You can help me sneak it in, right?"

I laughed and scooped him up. "Come on, Mister. We've only seen half the zoo so far!"

We looked at lemurs, snakes, and quite possibly the strangest animal I'd ever seen in my life- a capybara. Kenji enjoyed them all but I thought the wolves were absolutely gorgeous and fell in love with them instantly. "Mommy! Did you know that wolves walk on their toes?"

"Do they really?" I asked curiously. I knew my son was very clever for his age but he knew so many things that I was often astounded. "Where did you learn that?'

"Auntie Misao told me!" He cried excitedly.

Out of the corner of my eye, Yahiko tensed slightly but before I could say anything an older woman nearby approached us with a curious smile. "My, you have a smart son!" she said to Yahiko. "And so unique…"

"Oh," Yahiko stuttered, his hand automatically finding the back of his head like it always did when he got nervous. "He's not-"

But the woman prattled on. "But why did you color his hair? I suppose it's more popular these days but he can't be more than five-years-old!. My granddaughter- she's fifteen- colored her hair last week and I think even that's far too young. In my day we were taught to be proud of how we were born! And are those purple contacts?" she asked, bending down to look at him closer. "Of all the strange things! Why woul-"

"Excuse me," I said curtly, hearing enough. Luckily she had been speaking too quickly for Kenji to follow most of her nonsense, but I was still livid. "I love everything about my son and wouldn't change him for the world. And even if I did, I don't really think it would be your place to criticize us."

The woman stepped back two paces, startled by my defensiveness. She looked between me and Yahiko, trying to determine which one of us could have given him either unusual trait. "How did he ever…" she trailed off.

"I'm not his father," Yahiko explained.

Kenji looked at me and I scooped him up and hugged him closely. "I suggest that if you have offensive comments in the future, to keep them to yourself. I was fairly certain that 'in your day' they taught you manners."

"Oh, I never meant to be rude…" she tried but I was already storming off.

"Are you alright, Kaoru?" Yahiko asked, catching up.

My son's tiny arms were wrapped around my neck tightly. He had the amazing gift of being able to comfort me no matter how upset I was and better within a moment. The woman hadn't been the first to comment on Kenji's appearance.

"I just can't believe that some people have the nerve to degrade others, let alone a child to his mother."

"I know what will make you feel better!" Kenji cried.

"What's that, baby?"

"Ice cream! Ice cream always makes me feel better! I'll even pay for you with my toy money!" He had insisted on breaking his small piggy bank so he could have money to buy a souvenir with. Sixteen dollars and some change was a fortune to the boy.

I smiled and gave him a tight squeeze before putting him down and holding his tiny hand. "How can I say no to that?" I made a note to secretly put a twenty dollar bill into his new piggy bank for being so generous.

Kenji giggled excitedly; ice cream was one of his favorite foods.

We stopped at the nearest ice cream stand and my son bought three ice cream bars and we all sat around a small water fountain, enjoying the day's warmth.

"Mommy?" Kenji finally said. He looked as if he had been thinking for a while. "What does 'unique' mean?"

"That woman meant that you're one of a kind," I explained. "There's no one in the world just like you."

"Is that bad?"

He must have assumed so because of my heated reaction. "Of course it's not bad! You're absolutely perfect. I was angry because she didn't like your hair."

"Oh. But I think it's cool! Red is my favorite color! Why _is_ my hair red?"

Even Yahiko froze. I had the urge to curse, cry, and hunt down the woman all at once but I knew that he was bound to eventually ask the question and I swallowed the bubble of apprehension. Lying would have been much easier but I respected my son more than that. "Your father's hair is red like yours."

"Really?" he said, wide-eyed. It was a subject we spoke of only twice before. Either he realized that the topic bothered me and didn't bring it up on his own or he just wasn't terribly curious yet. But as long as we were already talking about him… "Where is daddy?"

"He's back in Japan, baby. He's… taking care of business."

"Will we get to see him soon? I wanna see his red hair! Is it just as long as mine?"

"It's even longer," I smiled, though it was strained. "And I'm not sure when we will get to see him."

Kami- it was hard enough saying it to a three-year-old; how would I ever manage to tell him when he gets older and demands to know more?

"I saw a man a few days ago whose hair was so long that it reached his ankles!" Yahiko said, diverting the conversation. He glanced at me and I was certain he could hear my gratitude radiating from my thoughts.

"No way!" Kenji cried. In his excitement he went to stand up quickly, but because the fountain we were sitting by had gotten the nearby ground wet, Kenji was unable to catch his balance.

I reached for him instinctively but Yahiko had already caught him securely. "Careful, kid," he said as he stood him on his feet carefully. "Good thing you were done with your ice cream, huh?"

"Thank you so much," I breathed, heart still racing.

"Thank you, Yahiko," Kenji said politely.

"Nah- it was nothing," Yahiko said, his arm behind his head again. He noticed the look I was giving him and quickly added, "I guess playing so many sports as a kid gave me good reflexes."

I raised a brow. "Sports? Is that what they call it now? I swore Misao had called it something else… what was it- Ninja Training?"

Yahiko gaped at me. "You know?! How did you figure it out?"

To this I laughed. "I figured it out a few days after you showed up. It was a little too convenient for someone from Japan to move into the same apartment building as us within two weeks. Plus, normal people don't stand outside their homes scanning ki in their spare time. Your abnormal ki would have been a dead give away, if nothing else. And if I didn't know my sister sent you I would have had you arrested by now for stalking me everywhere I go."

Yahiko laughed nervously.

"Kami- you must have thought I was a lunatic for inviting you, a 'complete stranger', in for dinner. You were even at her wedding! We didn't get a chance to talk but I still saw you there."

"She swore that you wouldn't remember me! I told her you weren't that drunk!"

"You know Auntie Misao?!" Kenji said excitedly before I could retort. "She's super cool and funny, just like you!"

We started walking toward the exhibits again. "She told me that I had to meet you because you're the best little boy in the world."

"Really?" Kenji's eyes were pools of mirth; he loved Misao to pieces and the news that his new best friend also knew Misao excited Kenji to no end.

"I've been wanting to thank you for taking everything so seriously. I scan ki constantly and you're always there, alert as ever. I would have surrendered myself a long time ago but I have to protect Kenji. I feel terrible for making the Oniwaban go through all of this for us..."

"Aoshi explained everything and I can't say I agree with your decision to... you know." He was talking about my desperate pleas for them not to kill Kenshin but didn't want to explicitly say so, even though Kenji was paying more attention to the ponies. "But I also can't imagine what it's like from your point of view so I won't argue, so long as he doesn't hurt you or the kid."

That was enough for me so I just smiled. The three of us rushed through the rest of the zoo until a woman over the loudspeakers announced that they would be closing soon. The only thing that finally made the tiny, pouting boy move from the chimpanzee exhibit was a promise that we would return on my next day off of work.

It was a beautiful day and the weather was perfect and I allowed myself to think that maybe, just maybe, the rest of my life and Kenji's life could be so peaceful...

But the glint of scarlet and amber that perpetually flashed in my mind reminded me that happy endings only happened in fairy tales.


	6. Over and Over

**A/N- Thank you so, so much for all of the positive feedback!! Seeing a new review in my inbox never fails to put a huge grin on my face! **

**Here's the moment you've all been waiting for! If you enjoy reading half as much as I enjoyed writing this chapter, I'll be thrilled. I think I enjoy writing dramatic scenes a little too much. The title of this chappy is from the song by the best band in the world, Three Days Grace, because I think it matches Kaoru's feeling fairly well. I also don't own the quote near the beginning, which is also by 3DG. And I'm not sure if I should just leave it here or if there should be an epilogue type thing. Let me know what you think. **

**Anyway... Happy reading! :D**

* * *

**-October 18th, 2010-**

The day had been ridiculously busy. I barely had time to catch my breath from running around to care for what seemed like a million patients. The doctors had been demanding as always, and expected me to brief patients, check everyone's vitals, ensure that blood work was being processed, examine x-rays, and record everything on the charts. I had eagerly waited for my watch to display 6 o'clock but that was still over two hours away.

My cell phone vibrated in my pocket but I had a considerably large stack of papers and folders in my hands so picking it up was impossible. Whoever it was would have to wait. I adjusted my load and hurried so I could deposit everything at the front desk on the third floor.

The phone stopped but immediately throbbed again, and once more I couldn't answer. The third time sent a chill down my spine and I knew something was wrong. Luckily I only had to rush through one more hallway and I'd be able to see who had called.

"These are for Dr. Dessey," I said quickly to the nurse at the floor's main desk and rushed around the corner to pull out my phone. Yahiko's name appeared three times so I immediately called him back.

"Where the hell are you?" he asked in a rush.

That wasn't important. "What's wrong?"

"Tell me which floor you're on!" he all but shouted. No… it couldn't be…

I ducked into the nearest restroom, slammed the stall door and tried to steady my breathing as I focused on the ki around me.

"Answer me, damn it!" the voice yelled into the phone but I knew it didn't matter. There was no mistaking the suffocating pressure that was stalking around on the main floor. My heart spluttered uncomfortably.

"KAORU! TELL ME WHERE YOU ARE!"

There was no way I'd be able to make it down without him finding me. Going to Kenji was impossible… Kenshin was moving closer and I had no doubts that he already picked up on my ki.

Numb fingers fumbled with the door as I let myself out and mechanically walked to the elevator. "Yahiko," I breathed as the doors shut me in and I pushed the highest number, heart throbbing. If I could lure _him_ away… "You know where the daycare is. Get Kenji- make sure he's covered up- and take him away. Take him to Misao if I don't call in three days."

The thought of never Kenji again made me sick to the stomach but if I couldn't convince Kenshin to leave, I'd just have to sacrifice myself. I'd never tell him about Kenji if it meant endangering my son's happiness.

"Don't be stupid!" Panic dripped from his tone and he was panting now- he was running around trying to find me first. He wasn't going to win the game of hide-and-seek and we both knew it. "I can get you out of here!"

Three floors from the top now. "Protect my son, Yahiko. Even if you could save my life I would die if Kenji was in danger. I've gotten away twice before; he won't let me do it again. It's too late to escape this time."

"DAMN IT! DON-"

"Thank you for everything," I said and hung up just as the elevator doors opened. I looked at Yahiko's number to memorize it and then deleted it, just to be safe. The door to the roof was unlocked so I let myself out and stumbled with useless quivering legs, stopping a dozen feet from the edge. I had to come up with some kind of plan…

The warm hues of the sunset looked beautiful. Tendrils of light danced on the leaves of the very tops of the trees in a park nearby and I watched the cool autumn breeze sway the branches lightly. Then I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, forcing myself to enjoy the last moments of freedom. I was completely alone but that changed in a heartbeat. I turned around.

The first thing I saw was the pair of gleaming eyes that were so familiar and terrifyingly beautiful that I was actually rendered half-paralyzed. Again. The amber hue was exactly as smoldering as I had remembered but even so there was something strangely different about them that I couldn't identify.

Even though Kenshin was wearing a dark outfit comprised of slacks and a trench coat (the same clothing he was wearing the last two times I saw him, I dully noted), the redness of the sun illuminated him and his slit amber eyes glowed even brighter, his hair literally aflame.

We stared at each other in silence- my voice would have failed me and I had no words to speak anyway, and I could understand everything he wanted to say in his piercing glare.

I had run from the terrifying man for years. I'd done everything in my power to hide and fall off the face of the earth and put as much distance between us as possible- I put the biggest ocean on the planet between us- all in vain. I'd spent the past five years of my life cowering from the man in front of me… and **still** I loved him just as much as ever. I was a fighter- both physically and mentally- but I could never have entertained the hope of lasting in a fight against him and I could have had the emotional strength to fight the fear for a lifetime but what good would that have done in the end, aside from making me regret not truly living?

_What do we stand for if we live in fear?_

I'd naively believed that I could run from him long enough to make him give up. I'd made myself believe that eventually he would realize he hated me and never wanted to see me again. I had convinced myself that if I put thousands of miles between us no trail would be able to lead him back to me.

What a fool…

I couldn't run anymore and I knew it. Could I actually manage to argue my way to freedom?

"I have to admit- this is a bit anticlimactic." The cold voice echoed slightly through the crisp air.

"Would you prefer me to kick and scream as you sling me over your shoulder and whisk me away back to Japan?" The steadiness of my voice surprised me.

He stepped closer in a human-like pace until he was a couple of feet from me. "The most stubborn woman I've ever met wouldn't give up so easily." Mockery.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "What _ever_ made you believe that I was giving up?"

A dark grin spread on his lips and he reached out to cup my cheek softly. "That's my Kaoru." My heart skipped a beat at the way he said it. His calloused hand was cold but it still burned my skin. The touch felt so familiar, so comfortable, so _right..._ and so deadly.

"What do you want from me?" I breathed, forcing myself not to crumble.

"I want you," he said bluntly. "I told you that you were mine forever and that you couldn't escape me. I don't lie."

At this I snorted. Right… because honesty was all about not telling the most important person in your life that you're a murderer. "I thought by now it would be a bit obvious that I'm not interested in you anymore. I want nothing to do with you."

I expected the comment to anger him but he was unfazed. "No?" His thumb stroked my cheek and the tips of his fingers ghosted across my neck, finally coming back up to entangle themselves in my hair.

My breath died but still I glared defiantly.

He brought his other hand up and placed it delicately on my waist. It rested there for a moment before moving to the small of my back and finally tugged my rigid body closer to him until I was pressed against him tightly. All of the movements were agonizingly slow and I refused to show that his plan was working like a charm. "You don't want me, koi?" he breathed in my ear.

"I'm fairly certain you heard me say that I don't." I think I managed it without stuttering.

By now his lips were floating across my neck and I felt him grin. My mind swam, recalling just how attracted to him I was. "You don't seem to be putting up much of a fight."

Of course I wasn't; I was paralyzed. But though I might not have been able to pull away, my frozen limbs were thankfully unable to reach for him.

Don't think about it. Don't think about it. Don't think-

His hungry lips made a trail back up to the crook underneath my jaw- my weak spot- and my knees quivered slightly.

No! Think about the weather! It's cold because I couldn't get my coat and it's freezing and it's windy because we're in Chicago which is a city known for being windy and therefore cold and particularly so in the winter, even though it's really not winter yet and only autumn, but yeah- it's still cold and that's the reason I'm trembling right now and not because of the ridiculously attractive man pressing me against him!

And in a blink he had pulled away, leaving me in a daze and trying to catch my balance. I angrily cursed my weak knees that only functioned when he caught me once more.

"Tell me again."

I glared defiantly at his scarlet hair. "I don't want you."

He put his hand under my chin and lifted my head. "Look me in the eyes and say it," he demanded.

I screamed in my mind. _I don't want you._ I shouted the words over and over, shrieking until the words pounded in my head. _I don't want you. I don't want you._ But even after countless tries, I couldn't vocalize it. My glower faltered by the slightest degree but he noticed and it was all he needed.

"You can't even force yourself to fight me, koi. I told you that you were mine."

Instant fury burned through me and I managed to rip myself away. "I'm not a dog, Kenshin! My life is my own!" My fists were clenched so tightly that the blood pulsated through my knuckles.

"Have I ever treated you like a beast?"

"This might come as news to you but you don't hunt down human beings!" And then I laughed bitterly, running my fingers through my hair, so angry that I was unable to stop the following words. "Oh, that's right. _You_ _do…_"

He was livid now and his eyes seemed to even sparkle in fury; but at the same time there was a twinge of something else there. I was probably the only one in the world that would have caught the hollowness reflected in his features. "So that's what this is all about?"

I laughed again, this time in disbelief. He said it as if I was somehow overreacting to the fact that he had killed people. "Forgive me for not taking the news too well- especially when the man that I trusted my life with couldn't even tell me himself."

"_But you trusted me_," he growled. "Was it so wrong of me to want to keep you blissfully ignorant? Why would I ever willingly burden you with that knowledge? You knew I never would have put you in danger!"

"Do you really think me to be the kind of person who likes to be ignorant?! How do you think I would have taken it if I had gotten kidnapped and your enemy was the one to tell me?"

He lowered his voice slightly, and I knew he felt guilty. "So you found out and I don't doubt that it scared you but was it honestly necessary to take off that night? You couldn't even give me a chance to explain."

"_I didn't-_" I began, mystified, but stopped. How many times had I begged him to tell me what was bothering him? "What could I have possibly said? Was I supposed to wait patiently until the morning until you curled up in bed with me, fresh from _killing_ someone?! I can't believe that I was stupid enough to think that you were actually out fighting crime during all those late nights!"

"So I'm just a mindless killer to you? You think a higher up just gives me a name and I blindly follow orders and kill innocent people?" I felt as if his eyes were literally electrifying me and his venomous tone was back but I refused to cave in.

"Innocent or not, you're not supposed to kill! _Murder_ is a crime! The Oniwaban track down criminals, too, and they don't find the need to shed blood. Isn't it enough to throw them in jail?"

"Right. The great and noble Oniwaban," he said as if the word was a foul taste on his tongue.

I cut him off furiously. "Don't you dare talk shit about them."

"Because your sister is the leader?"

I opened my mouth but he continued before I could retort. It shouldn't have come as a surprise that he knew everything. How else would I have been able to hide from him for so long?

"Don't get me wrong- they're exceptional at what they do. I doubt there's another organization on the planet that's as perfect at their jobs. But sometimes locking people up isn't enough, koi. The criminals that I go after are the ones that have raped little girls and slit old women's throats and stolen millions of dollars from orphanages all over Japan and are able to roam the streets again within a month. I hunt down the highest corrupt politicians and terrorist leaders who plot to kill countless people! These are the people who deserve no mercy. Of course we can lock them away in the darkest, most remote prison cells but these are the people that are so influential that they can pull the strings even in the most unfavorable situations and be set free within hours! Try as you will to deny it, even the strongest bars can be opened with enough money. Would you like me to stop and let these monsters roam the streets again?"

I'd known that he would never hurt an innocent, let alone kill one. He was dangerous but he would never have taken a life without a -just- reason. None of what he said was news to me but his small tirade still had a strange cooling effect on me. Maybe all I had needed was to hear the words come from his mouth. There was no way that a mere confession was really going to satisfy me… was there?

I ran my fingers through my hair and opened my eyes after taking a deep breath. "I don't care what you do, Kenshin. All I want is for you to stay out of my life." The words came out so easily but left me feeling pained hollowness. It felt like my stomach had caved in just at the thought of never seeing him again and I wondered if I actually regretted saying it. Why? _That's what I've been wanting for the past five years…_

"You don't mean that."

"Suddenly you're the expert on me? You're NOT. You would have known to leave me the hell alone after the first few years of making me move all over Japan. If you knew me so well then you would have told me the truth about yourself. No- I wouldn't have taken it well but at least the pain of having my heart ripped out would have been dulled a little bit; I trusted you but you obviously didn't trust me! Don't you dare assume that you know anything about me."

His anger had dissipated and left his features looking nearly exactly as I felt. "I know you don't want me out of your life because I can recognize the look on your face! It's the same exact look I've carried on mine every single day for the past four years and two hundred and forty-four days I've had to live without you. It's the look of wanting something more than anything and the pain of knowing that you can't have it eats you alive! That look is one that screams what your heart is telling you but your mind is too damn stubborn to accept! You love me almost as much as I do you and you want me but you can't have me for some damned reason. And don't even try to say that it's me killing people, because it's not!"

The bridge of my nose tingled a bit and my eyes felt heavier by the second. I turned around angrily and marched towards the western edge of the building, just catching the last of the sun's rays before they melted over the horizon. I couldn't do this anymore. Something in me had cracked and the resolve that kept me going for so long had dissipated. I wanted to be alone.

I made it six steps before he flitted in front of me, hands holding my shoulders tightly. "Don't walk away from me," he ordered. I was certain that he hadn't meant for it to come out as a whisper. "I promised you that I would protect you whether you want me to or not. I'm not sure if you've realized by now but the protection that I offer has no boundaries." He cupped my chin and gently made me look up at him again. "I want to shield you from the emotional pain, as well, koi." His thumb stroked a stray tear away from my cheek.

And then I understood it- the reason I suddenly felt so broken. I hadn't allowed myself to feel the guilt of hiding his son because I was always too angry about him doing unthinkable things and lying to me. But when I unexpectedly forgave him for keeping the secret, I realized that I had done just what he had and my heart splintered. Guilt and regret- the two worst feelings to feel- blended together and leaving me feeling something that I would never wish on any enemy.

And what was somehow even worse was that this whole time I had envisioned an assassin with bloodstained hands looking on his son in contempt, but now that had all fallen apart; he was a different person. Yes, he was still the terrifying, gorgeous, dominant, headstrong, ever-stealthy Himura Kenshin I had always known, but even his ki was less overpowering, his eyes slightly duller. I had noticed it earlier but didn't understand until that moment; he had suffered greatly from my decision to leave and his pain from being without me had humanized him and as hard as I tried, I couldn't see the murderer in him. He was an -ordinary- man.

As I stared into the golden pools, I realized that this man truly did love me as much as I loved him. I had thought countless times that I would have gone to any corner of the earth for him… but Kenshin had actually done it! If he didn't love me so much, he would have forgotten about me after the first year and would never have tried so hard to find me again.

He hadn't wanted to reprimand me for leaving or to make sure I was going to keep quiet about him or even make me pay for smashing a carton of milk on his head. He followed me because he simply couldn't live without me. And, I realized with a gut-wrenching, heart-twisting stab, that a man who was capable of such tender love could absolutely be a great father…

Had I been wrong this whole time? Was it possible for someone to be THAT big a fool? Had I really turned out to be the monster in the end?

Oh, how the tables had turned…

I ripped myself away again, now unable to bear the look of concern that marred his features. I couldn't think, I was hyperventilating, and I felt like vomiting. I felt more horrible emotions than I had ever felt in my life, all combined into one big, agonizing feeling that had no equal. I wanted to throw myself on the ground and just cry until I couldn't move anymore. I repressed the urge to do so and just stalked off in the opposite direction, completely unsure of where I was planning on going, and cursing how much my body was trembling and shivering.

A shadow darted in front of me again and before I knew it, Kenshin's coat was pulled over my shoulders and I was enveloped me in a hug before I could escape. In any other circumstance the embrace would have served as the most powerful healing imaginable. Hugs from Kenji and Misao always eased the pain but a hug from a lover had the power to completely mend all wounds. I felt it working its magic and like a wild animal suddenly captured, I tried with all of my might to shove away; how could I let him heal me?

"Please…" I sobbed, realizing just how futile my struggle was.

Instead, Kenshin pulled me even closer. "It was excruciating not being able to hold you and protect you; how could you possibly expect me to let you go when you're so broken?"

The words burned the very last of my resolve and I couldn't fight the breakdown anymore. Tears that were brimming in my eyes cascaded down my cheeks and into his coat, and I tried in vain to suppress the hollow sobs that ripped through me.

"You don't understand!" I cried.

"Then explain it, koi," he whispered softly.

How can you tell someone that you've been hiding his child from him? All the words that I could have used swam in my mind but even if I could figure out how to piece them together, I felt that I wouldn't have had the courage to say them aloud. I'd forgiven him and I felt the unbearable need to be forgiven as well. But because at that point I had felt such a twist of emotions, all I could manage to do was mumble incoherently as I cried, thinking of how pathetic and weak I'd become just because of a few sweet words.

Without warning, the door at the far end of the roof burst open and out walked a tall man with spiked hair, dragging a younger man who was thrashing about angrily. I looked at both of them and when I saw who came next my heart stopped beating altogether, tears forgotten.

Behind them walked a little boy bundled in multiple layers of jackets and a hat covering all of his scarlet hair. Kenji's lilac eyes were terrified.

The older men both stopped in their tracks the instant they saw me and all of us opened our mouths to say something but the smallest reacted first.

"Mommy!" Kenji cried as he ran to me as quickly as he could. I was running to him before I could even process the action, my motherly instinct to comfort my son overpowering everything else. I'd been so terrified that I'd never see him again so holding him felt almost magical.

"Shh, baby. Everything will be alright. I promise." I squeezed him tightly but when I opened my eyes again, I remembered that three pairs of eyes were fixed on us.

Yahiko was the first to come to his senses. He forcefully pulled away from the taller man who finally released him, no longer concerned. Yahiko couldn't possibly pose a threat when it was two against one anyway. He bit his lip, calculating how to free us but realized that it would be impossible for us to escape.

Sanosuke's eyes were wide and I realized that it was the first time I'd ever seen him speechless. I had no idea what to think of the man who used to be such a close friend but that wasn't the time to decide.

In a blink Kenshin was in front of Yahiko, clutching his jacket in an iron grip. "Who the hell are you?" The tone was venomous though it lacked the fury from before. He sounded so… hollow…

"Stop!" I screeched, realizing what Kenshin was thinking. How could he have possibly thought otherwise? I let go of Kenji and stood up, running until I was a few feet from Kenshin. "You've got it all wrong!"

Even if Kenshin hadn't said those sweet words earlier, he had just proved again how much he loved me. Though Kenshin believed Yahiko posed a threat to his only chance at happiness, he still didn't hurt the boy just because he thought Yahiko was important to me.

Obediently, Kenshin released Yahiko and turned back around. He looked at me and my breath caught in my throat, what I was about to say forgotten. His eyes were oceans of anguish, hopelessness, and defeat, but what pained me the most was what I didn't see there- accusation. He didn't even blame me for 'moving on'.

I was speechless, and for a moment, everything else in the world disappeared. All I saw were shattering amber eyes that begged me not to sear his heart any more, pleading for any kind of cure to stop the torment. There must have been a gust of wind because crimson strands danced around him, bringing me back out of my trance just in time to hear a gasp from behind me.

"Your hair really is longer than mine!" Kenji sounded afraid because he didn't understand what was happening but it was quickly fading into excitement. "Mommy, you were right! It really is the same color, too!"

Kenshin stared uncomprehendingly at the bundle of clothes that peered back at him and hobbled closer.

Kenji was thrilled now and tugged his hat off, releasing a scarlet wave. "See, Daddy! We match!"

Kenshin ripped his eyes away from the boy and looked at me again, confusion and doubt marring his features. "_My_… son…?" he choked, voice so low that as close as we were, even I struggled to hear it. I'd never seen him lose his composure before and my heart somehow raced even faster.

I saw him calculating everything- the only real reason I would be so terrified of him, the reason there was a child's bed at one of the houses we had to abandon quickly, the reason every hospital I had worked at had to have a high quality day care, the reason I was so in love with him but still tried to deny him. He no doubt assumed that the bed belonged to Misao and Aoshi's child. They had, after all, gotten married not too long before. Why would he have ever thought otherwise? Why would he have ever thought I had been pregnant?

As the news soaked in, I saw his body tremble and for the first time ever our roles were reversed and I had to hold onto him to steady his balance.

"Kenshin?" I cried, tears refusing to stop flowing. "I'm sorry! I wish it had never turned out this way but I was so scared and I couldn-"

His dazed whisper interrupted me. "I'm a father?" The only expression I could read was that of shock, and drowning in worry, I threw my arms around his neck and clutched him tighter than I ever had in my life.

"I'm sorry!" I sobbed and kept hiccupping apologies into his hair.

Finally his arms found their strength again and they wrapped around my waist securely. The action was so simple, but it signified his acceptance and nothing in the world could have meant more to me. It was more than I could have hoped for and my pained tears leaked into grateful ones.

"He's beautiful…" he murmured, still stunned, looking back at the child who had stepped even closer. Kenji's violet eyes were scared again, not understanding why I was crying, but he tried to smile, remembering that his smiles were always contagious. I'd never been prouder of my son than at that moment.

Kenshin released me and bent down so he was eye level with the boy and as he drunk in the sight the broken look faded. It was just like when dark clouds that cover the sun suddenly vanish- Kenshin's shock burned into the most heartwarming smile I'd ever seen.

Thrilled that his plan had worked, Kenji giggled and ran into his father's open arms, which closed securely around him.

"My son…" he whispered faintly.

Blissful tears leaked from my eyes and for the first time in minutes, I remembered that we had two spectators. Yahiko was misty eyed, though he tried to hide it, while Sanosuke was positively dumbfounded.

"Are you telling me that I'm an uncle?!" Excitement caked his tone. "Oh, the fox is going to absolutely kill you for not telling her!"

"No one is going to touch my koi," Kenshin said simply, suddenly beside me again with our son in his arms. _Our son_… Kami, those words could never have sounded more amazing…

"Are you finished working now?" Kenji asked. "'Cause I don't want you to leave us again."

The elated smile was still stuck on Kenshin's features and I realized I'd never seen him so happy. "Of course I won't leave you. Nothing in the world could take me away from either of you again."


End file.
